This morning I stared at the white screen on my laptop for quite a while. The white, empty space and the blinking cursor, relentlessly demanding action, became impatient witnesses to my creative process.
The keyboard was eager to be tapped, but my fingers were paralyzed. Not so much because inspiration had evaded me, but because what I felt like writing were not my usual inspiring and encouraging thoughts. This morning all I felt was – disappointment.
I thought to myself; ‘people don’t come to my channel to read about disappointment’, ‘I want to uplift and inspire, not share my sorrows’… the blank screen still staring, the cursor still blinking, the minutes still ticking… and my thoughts still stuck on this:
How many times in life must one feel disappointed? Let down? Even taken for a ride? When is it enough? When does it stop?
When you finally lose your goodwill? When you give up on others? When you become completely cynical? How does one maintain the ‘joie de vivre’ in a world where people continuously disappoint you?
Note: “joie de vivre” is French for ‘joy of life’. dj
I was annoyed at myself for having these thoughts, for allowing other people’s actions to affect me in this manner, but I wouldn’t be human if it wasn’t so. Surely I didn’t want to be sharing these feelings…
As I always do, I turned it back on me; what lesson am I not learning? What must I do differently? What did I do wrong?
My frustration grew as I failed to come up with answers and the white empty screen was a cruel reminder of my current inability to understand some of life’s lessons.
I know that disappointment comes when we have certain expectations, for this reason I have come to keep my expectations very low. I don’t demand too much from others; simply respect, kindness and consideration, that’s all. Is that too much to ask?
I have come to experience that helping people is the fastest way of losing them! You want to never hear again from a friend? Lend them money. You want to be excluded from joyous news of parenthood? Pay for their university (brother in law). You want to be betrayed by your best friend? Take care of them, invite them on holidays, hold their hand at the doctor’s. You want to be given the silent treatment? Love passionately and be truthful. I could go on and on, but I don’t want to bore you with my life’s experiences.
Hypnotized by the blinking cursor, my fingers somehow started typing these words which I reluctantly share today, for they are not how I want to feel, they are not what I want to believe and they are not what my heart knows to be the full picture.
I guess I need some perspective and some more time to process things. I’m sure there are lessons I’m still missing. But what I do know, is that I don’t want to stop being generous because others are selfish, I don’t want to stop being loving because others are cold hearted and I don’t want to stop being kind because others are inconsiderate.
For now, as always, I remain immensely grateful that my immediate family has never disappointed me, I only pray that I have never disappointed them…
As for those that come and take and then disappear… I leave them in God’s capable hands.
The screen is no longer blank, it’s full of words… what to do? Should I share them? Somehow I have a feeling many of you will relate…
Let’s not allow other people’s disappointing behavior kill our goodwill. I think that’s the lesson.
God is watching.